My Sugar Addiction Part 3 of 3

 Instead of just summing things up or writing about it from a 2 year point of view, I thought sharing my own words from when I was going through this would be more valuable/helpful.

Below is excerpts taken from my journal where I recorded my new journey- one without all the treats.

Day 1- Received Heaven's help today. I was able to make Carol's choc. chip cookies and NOT be tempted to sneak into it or have a taste of either the cookie dough or a cookie. Baked them up for Ruben's Cub Choir which had their Christmas Concert tonight. He was asked to bring 2 dozen cookies. After the concert, I helped open a bunch of store bought cookies and was around the treats but didn't partake and really didn't have much of a desire to put that stuff in my mouth.
     Remembering the dream I had this past week has helped me in staying focus....I have given up sugar treats and know Heaven will help me.

This isn't about will power, but rather being meek, mild, humble and depending on the tender mercies of the Lord. Faith, trust, and obedience.

My body is a temple and I should treat it as such. 1 full week of being sick. On the mend now.

Day 2- ...Ruben's dinner choice for tonight was tacos and milkshakes. I choose water to drink instead. My immune system is more important then my taste buds getting a "fix". I value my body, my health, and choosing wellness...

Day 3-Helped Cliff make healthy and yummy Oat Nut Burgers. It's a recipe Bob gave me almost 3 years ago.......Let the kids have leftover choc. chip cookies (from Thursday). I choose not to partake. Later I took a small bite of Derek's cookie without thinking. Then when I was aware of what I did, I spit out the tiny bit in the garbage can.

Day 4 Sunday Dec. 15th, 2013
For my 1st weekly treat, I choose a strawberry yogurt and had 2 small slices of toast with honeybutter. At church today I handed out Ann's cinnamon rolls but for myself choose to gracefully decline. Was tempted for a few minutes tonight to eat one of our choc. chip cookies. But then I REMEMBERED the dream I had about the new path I am on, and had given up the treats and made a covenant with Father. Very tired today, but (my)lungs don't feel as heavy or maybe I'm getting used to it. No longer on fire. ....

Day 5-Did pilates this morning. Did some emotional clearings. Cookies are taking longer to eat because I'm not eating them. Upside down pizza for dinner. Waiting for my immune system to be restored and get my strength back...

Day 6- Forgot to call Scott (my oldest brother) and wish him a happy Birthday..Had a piece of toast and honey butter for snack tonight. Did pilates this morning. Felt good to stretch...Grateful for my body-a covering for me. I am an eternal being that has been spiritually reborn "Baptism of Fire" (I am child/daughter of Christ)
I know I will be a Joint-Heir with Christ. That knowledge is sure. Waiting for the 2nd Comforter and to enter into the "Rest of the Lord"

Day 9- Made peanutbutter balls for the Ward Christmas party. During the making process I absent mindedly tasted a tiny bit that was on my finger. Other then that I had no processed treats. The fudge looked good as well as the mint chocolate cake but I chose not to partake. Tonight after coming home I choose my dessert- A bunch of grapes. They tasted so good. I didn't work out today...

Day 11- Shared my new journey with Cathy, my mom, Cliff of course (my hubby) and today shared it with Bishop Lemmon and Mara. Mara thanked me for sharing with her my journey so far...She told me how a few years ago we talked about food, diet, ect and how I told her I had a sugar addiction and that I needed to probably change.
  Today during RS the teacher taught the lesson"Jepordary Style" she had treats for reward. The candy didn't interest me at all. The candy dish, was almost depleted with 10 min left of class. I said to Cathy-"Maybe I should refill the candy dish." She said I should. So I went to the cabinet and unlocked it and grabbed a couple bags of left over Halloween candy and spent most of the time left passing candy out between the 2 teams.

Soon as I knew that we would be playing the game for RS the Spirit let me know I needed to stepdown/not participate very much. I tend to be VERY competitive and knew I needed to not let myself get carried away. So I didn't answer the first few questions. I rang the bell a couple of times and reached over once causing a fellow RS sister to laugh at me. Another sister early on  told me the following, "Sally, you need to answer the questions so that I can get MY CHOCOLATE". I told her if she needed chocolate that bad, I would just go and open up the closet and hook her up with chocolate. She later made a comment how chocolate made her happy. I corrected her and said chocolate can't make you happy, I know this!

 After church I was offered a sugar cookie from Jason, but I declined. Now I need to focus on early to bed and early to rise and NOT eating right before bed.

Thank you to my Father in Heaven & my Savior Jesus Christ. I could not do this without them.

Day 14-Christmas Day I had 2 or maybe 3 small sliced of pumpkin bread. A small taste of Mom's pie. No candy or other sweets..planning on Pilates and  Body Flex tomorrow.

End of Excerpts

 

Update

 

From that time until last Thanksgiving I had no "treats". It felt great to no longer think, crave, dream about those things. As a bonus, I have had more energy and I lost 5 pounds. Last Thanksgiving I did have a sliver of pumpkin pie, on Dec 30th, my 16th Wedding anniversary I splurged and did have a small piece of cheesecake. This pass year I have had a handful of treats the most recent in October a few dark chocolates. I was reminded why I needed to stay away from that in the first place. That urge/desire to have more came back. The only temptation I had was after Halloween and seeing my favorite candy bar or rather my former favorite candy bar (it's been 2 years since having one) Milkway candy bars floating around in my children's Halloween bags, with even 2 full size bars. None of my kids care for those. (Probably because I have always snagged them up and they never really had the opportunity to eat them.)

 

I still give thanks to my Savior for helping me, for rescuing me from this addiction. Now on to my dairy addiction. Cutting back on that but still have a ways to go. But with my Savior at my side I know this will be taken care off. First is the desire to change. 

My Sugar Addiction Part 2 of 3

 

 

Next month will mark 2 years since the Lord (Yeshua) intervened and my addiction was broken. My answered prayers came in a way I was not expecting. I started to get sick, I mean really REALLY sick.  Heaviness in my lungs and they felt like they were on fire. I knew I was getting pneumonia (no I was not diagnosed by a doctor and didn't seek out medical help) but knew I could be healed (if it was God's will). I told him I had the faith to be healed. I fully expected that the Lord would approve this righteous desire of my heart and I petitioned the Lord. But the following conversation is what I had at the time. Although I didn't recognize it or rather the clarity wasn't there like it is now.  I heard his voice (thought to thought or spirit to spirit. I didn't hear an audible voice) however, it is a still small voice and I can recognize his voice now.

Yeshua- No my daughter, you will not be healed in this moment and in fact you will be sick a whole week. I am answering your many prayers.

me-Sick a whole week? (my spirits/hope was dashed).Which prayers will be answered,  what are you talking about?

Yeshua- Your sugar addiction/sweets

me-Oh, that!

Yeshua- It will take the whole 7 days for your body to detox. By being sick, it will help loosen your cravings for the sweets.

me-OK- (I didn't like the idea of being sick, but I really wanted the bands of addiction broken.) I submitted.

I usually don't sleep well when I am sick and when I dream while my body is sick it usually offers no solace or peace. So I was surprised when I woke up on the 3rd day and had a very powerful and vivid dream. One that was written upon my heart. I know now, that dream was given to me to help me later on when those temptations came. I would remember the dream I was given and the great strength in it.

Dream from Sat Dec 7th 2013
 I was in this little restaurant with a friend of mine. Society and he himself labeled him as "Gay". He had a dart board full of little balloons on them. For every balloon popped he would roll out his dough on the counter and make 2 biscuits, or was it doughnuts? I don't remember which one it was upon waking. There weren't a lot of costumers. He would go straight up to the board and hit the target. I told him that was cheating and he needed to wait for others to come and do it. Every 3rd turn would be his.
  Some people thought we were engaged because we were so close. They were uncomfortable with the "gay man" and even MORE disturb that me being a Mormon would have and surround myself around "Gay/Homosexual People." I told him I didn't accept his behavior. I told him (my friend) -"We live in a fallen world with fallen bodies and they come with tendencies, attractions but that is not US and through the Atonement of Christ HE can change our fallen nature. (We are all given our own "thorns of the flesh".)
I told him how him being attracted to his own sex was HIS thing he needed to work on (with Christ help) and not to yield to temptation and partake and go down the forbidden path. For me, my body was predisposed towards sugar, my addiction and how it wasn't UNTIL I turned to my Savior was I made whole. I knew I must stay away from it (the sugar). How it started with "store treats and candies' to cutting out homemade treats. In the dream my diet was fruits, veggies, nuts and bread. I loved my bread and the Lord told me I could keep it. Once a week I would have a treat that was yogurt with berries and whipped cream on top. Fresh cream that was whipped up.  This new way of eating had taken place 2 years prior to me talking to my friend. (It was a promise/covenant between the Lord and me).
      At a table my mom and other family members were there. Without even thinking about it I took a bite of dessert. Then I realized what I had done and started to spit it out and clean my mouth out.
 End of dream.

Excerpt form Journal 12/11/13

 This addiction is a thorn. I have turned to food, especially sweets for comfort and love INSTEAD of turning straight to God. I realize now that the Savior has invited me to lay my burdens at his feet and now I am doing just that!-End of excerpt

 

It isn't about Will Power or being Self-Reliant but being God-Reliant that truly counts.

 

I am forever grateful to a wonderful friend who is also my Lord and Savior that has broken the bands of this addiction for me.

 Now the real test came to see if I would keep this gift and continue down the new path or to turn back to my old patterns and lifestyle. Here's another way of putting it: like a dog that returns to his vomit.-2 Peter 2:22 comes to mind.

My Sugar Addiction Part 1 of 3

As I was pondering what the Lord would have me share next, it came in that instant-

" share your journey with your sugar addiction and how I have helped you. Share it ALL, the ups and especially the downs with others."

This will be broken up in 3 parts. This post is part of showing the "rest of the Iceburg". Only 10% shows above water (the best part of me, what I show to others) and about 90% below the surface. So often we mortals tend to compare our 90% with everyone else's top 10% (the part above the surface/the good and pleasant things). That is not fair to ourselves or to others. STOP COMPARING yourself to others, just STOP IT!  So without further adieu, on to something that had control over my life for many, many years.

Growing up I lived next door to a tiny little grocery store. It was very easy to take my pennies,  nickels, and dimes and buy some sour patch kids or little packages of Lemon Heads, Boston Bake Beans, or Red Hot's for a dime each. My next fix was only 30 feet a way. I didn't realize I was addicted to sugar for many, MANY years.

In a few weeks it will be 2 years since the Lord has broken the bands of my Treat/Sugar addiction for me. He did it in a very interesting way. One I will always be grateful for. Before this, I would fast off and on for 24-48 hours at a time. That seemed to help. For one, it brought to my attention how often I would (without thinking about it) pop something in my mouth. I was also my daughter's garbage disposal. After I would end the fast, I would be able to go a few days without a relapse. Then the whole cycle would start over again. I would use treats to fill "sweetness" in my life. I have also been an emotional eater. Sound familiar?

The craving would hit hardest after I had a meal especially after having protein. One memory stands out about how desperate I was to get my next  "treat-fix". My husband and I went with other church members up to the Kansas City Temple on a bus. We were traveling back down, (about a 3 1/2 hour drive)  We had packed a lunch/dinner. I didn't pack a dessert. After I had eaten my food, that craving kicked in. I just HAD to have some dessert, preferable something with chocolate. I told me husband, "I need my fix! If I have to I will go down all the aisles until I will find someone that has some and willing to share with me. I'm not shy and this is an emergency." So up I stood and walked down the rows explaining I needed my sugar fix and see who could/would help me out. I only had to go down a few aisles until some lady shared her dessert with me. I don't remember who it was or what she shared. A day didn't go by that I didn't at least have 1 + treats. People would just chuckle and smile. I don't think most people took this serious or rather maybe they had the same addiction as me and in denial?

Some addictions are more noticeable than others. Some are more sociably accepted then others. An addiction is an addiction. Mine just happen to be sociably accepted and pretty cheap to feed. I love to cook and bake. So even IF I didn't have store bought treats/candy, I had the ingredients to MAKE them, or just eat the ingredients by themselves like chocolate chips. It also didn't help that whenever we had church activities there ALWAYS seemed to be "refreshments"-sweets.

The turning point for me is when God stepped in (again) and this time- I let him help me. I will share that in part 2. Learning to become God-Reliant instead of Self-Reliant. Will power was not enough to break this addiction. God is mighty to save and he can even save us from ourselves if we just reach out and cry unto the Lord.

You might not have a sugar addiction like I have had or any addictions, but I know we each have our own "thorns in the flesh" and yoking ourselves to Christ is the answer. Love, your Sister in Christ-Sally

Love is Eternal-Seperation Temporary

Where there is Love, there is sweet accord,

there is bonafide bounteous sharing.

Where there is Love, there is sweet harmony

there is deep devoted caring..

 

Where there is Love, there is radiant life

there is vibrant, vigorous growing.

Where there is Love, there is radiant light

there is incandescent glowing.

 

Where there is Love, there is true happiness

there is lifting, laughing pleasure.

Where there is Love, there is true worth,

There is God's own treasure.

 

For Love transcends all time and tide,

Conquering death and separation

Where there is Love

Rich blessings abide

in "Heavenly Preparation".

 

May the good Lord in Heaven above

Who has redeemed us with His Love

Bless & comfort you

with the "Peace of the Dove"

And keep you always

Where there is Love.

 

This poem was written by my Grandma Swenson (my Dad's mom). I came across this today as I was cleaning out my shed. It was in a gold frame and embellished by my Grandma. It made me chuckle. She put flower stickers on the paper and drew on top of it with gold marker and underlined Love throughout the poem as well with the same gold marker.

 

The last lines on the paper are as follows:

This is our prayer

With all our Love,

Harold & Elinor Swenson

 

This was a gift given I believe to my parents and I somehow ended up with it probably while helping them move a few years back. It was in a box with a few other things that belong to my parents. In February it will be 20 years since my Grandma "Graduated Mortality." It will be 14 years next April, actually on my younger sister's birthday no less, when my Grandpa "Graduated Mortality".

 

My Grandma loved to write poems (they ALL rhythm by the way) and this is just one of many. I thought I should share this one with you tonight. The photo above is the actual poem in the frame.

Becoming God-Reliant

A few years back while sitting in a Relief Society class the lesson was on being Self-Reliant. The focus was on individuals and having skills, education, good spending habits, other things we could and should do.  A dear sister raised her hand and said, it's not about us and us being reliant on our own. She didn't like the term Self-Reliant. Since then, as I have been coming closer to my Lord, I understand where that sister was coming from. I no longer consider myself "self-reliant".

                                                        I am becoming God-Reliant!

There is something about that above statement that just makes my heart sing! All that I am, all that I have, all that I do, is because of HIM. I am nothing without him!

Instead of focusing on becoming "Self Reliant" how about becoming "God-Reliant" instead? 

For years I tried to do everything myself , because frankly, the only one (I thought) I could TRUST to get the job done and do it the way and when I wanted it done was me. I also tried to be my own Savior. I saw repentance as FAILURE. I wanted to be whole and complete without the Savior first,  then come to him. Boy did I have that all backwords.

Now days I love and am starting to understand repentance (a turning back to God) and the Atonement. We  can be whole and complete by our companionship with Yeshua. It is through his grace and mercy. 

How God-Reliant are you? Do you hear his voice? Do you really trust him? Do you harken to him and him alone?

Sacrificing All

                                           

   This post has been in "draft form" for over a month now. I'm not quite sure why I have been sitting on this one. It's time to share this with others. But thought I should add this little bit of information. My understanding of Sacrifice has changed since this journal entry from almost 18 months ago. The only thing we truly have to offer is our will. Everything else is not really ours. We are stewards over many things but truly don't own things or people. I tend to be a very open, bold, even boarder on being an over-bearing Lady. Still working on overcoming the last one with the Lord's help. But when it come to share things "online" like this, I tend to shy away. But know I am to share these things, my journey, these learning dreams with others. That all these dreams aren't just for me but for others too.

 

The key is to be guided by the Spirit to what to share, WHEN to share, and how much to share. My Lord is giving me many opportunities to learn this.

                                                   Excerpt from Journal- May 3rd, 2014
Literal fulfillment in dream. It seemed so real. I was in the basement of my childhood home. There were 3 of us. If we stayed together and were united we could of beaten the evil forces, but because I went to the "safe room" and wasn't upstairs with the 2 others, they were taken. I had failed them!

                                                                      Dream shifted-
I was in a chapel for an LDS Fast and Testimony Meeting. There were alot of visitors there. Jennie Corbin was there in the middle section taking the last 3-4 rows with lots of her family there. She was looking and waiting for some special person. The people/families on the left side where I sat were family of Jeanie Anderson. They invited others to come sit by them, they had extra room. It was about 5-10 min before the meeting was to begin. I was telling those near me how my whole family was kidnapped. That is why I was alone. Bishop came in and was looking for me, Brother Bach followed him in, looking grave. They had just got notified that my family was kidnapped and that they were all  killed just minutes ago. They motioned me to come with them and meet out in the foyer. They felt that they needed to let me know and they were going to be releasing me immediently (from my calling of RS President). I just smiled at them and mouth the words, I already know. To which they both had confused looks because at first they didn't see how it was possible for me to know. I them pointed up to the ceiling and they knew that Father in Heaven had let me know. I was calm and collective and so cheerful. They were going to have me bare my testimony 1st. The spirit let me know that. I told Bishop Lemmon he needed to calm down and allow the Holy Spirit to guide him to how the meeting should go and just relax....

    For the opening hymn we sang a song out of a paperback book that a groom from another church had provided, he took out alot of our hymn books and replaced them with his. This meeting was also a wedding celebration for him and his LDS bride. The song had a beautiful message but knew I was to partly share my testimony of the Almighty Living God by music. So while everyone else was singing this song, I started to sing with all my soul all 3 verses of "Teach Me to Walk in the Light." I was showing others the pathway-Personal Revelation-. Others stopped singing to hear me sing.

    I then walked up to the pulpit and said something like the following-there are many of you who have itching ears- want to know what has happened and haven't been able to feel the spirit and worship the Lord your God. They are too focused on the upcoming "bad news." I wasn't going to share with them that info which was my family being kidnapped and killed till the end of my testimony. First I said I didn't want people to tell me "how sad they were for me" because frankly I wasn't sad. I knew God's plan for my family and I. (I knew I would be lonely at times, but that I would be allowed specials visits from them and would have angels administer to me as well.) I told them how the Lord had prepared me for this moment for many years now. That in my learning dreams was the shadow fulfillment and now today is the literal fulfillment

I told them, "Do we really understand what we covenant to do and become? All times, in All places and in ALL things?"

I declared and stood as a witness that I had indeed sacrificed ALL for God and was giving praises to him. I told them I now knew and was part of a small group of people that belonged to the "Fellowship of the Suffering Christ." I was laying the foundation for them.  How the prophecies of the Prophets specifically Isaiah have at least dual fulfillment. I told them of the great love of the Savior.
  This is the 2nd or 3rd dream now I have had where there was a big sacrifice and I was ready for it because of all the shadow fulfillments in my dreams. I had already sacrificed ALL in the spiritual realm. Now (in my dream but thinking it was real) in the physical realm. This is WHY I was calm and at peace because I have already sacrificed ALL in spirit and now I was completing the sacrifice in the physical realm. Making a complete whole. 1st shall become last and last become 1st. My mission was to bring people to Christ to show them the way by my own example. Teach them pure doctrine. I never made any mention of the Church-the Institution. I knew the word Church in the Book of Mormon was about groups of people. End of Dream
 

 Upon waking from this dream and reflecting on the other dreams, thoughts, and impressions over the past few months I feel the Lord is preparing me for completing my sacrifice making it whole and complete. To fulfil it literally. The key for me is knowing when the time comes for this,(whatever that sacrifice is that is asked of me) is coming from Heaven with a surety. I have that great anchor to my soul. I am anchored or nailed to the Savior.... I know my standing with Father and Jesus Christ. I will follow their guidance and council. I want to continue to walk and talk with God (Christ) not only in my dreams but during the waking hours. I hear his voice and try to obey but long for they day when I can see him in the flesh and touch him and laugh with him. Pierce through the veil. I feel that I am now getting ready to abase myself or rather go into the next descent this one even deeper then the one before. How beautiful is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am continuing to be taught as I ask, seek, and knock. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Put God First

"We bless you with all the righteous desires of your heart.

Continue seeking, follow your heart.

Place him first in your schedule, and in your heart, and as you focus he will direct you for good. His promises are sure, you can trust him!

We bless you right now in the power of the Priesthood with healing from this sickness and right now you are accurate in your assessment that was given to you thru the Spirit, thru the Light of Christ. You understand what has caused this and it has triggered other symptoms within your body. We bless you that this sickness will go away today and we bless you with knowledge from this point forward to avoid this sickness that you can be a even more wise steward over your body....."

Part of a blessing/healing I was given back in the Spring that I feel guided to share with others now. I am glad this was recorded and put in my journal. I read and reflect upon it from time to time.